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Plot twist
Mar. 28th, 2022 10:16 amNewGirl was supposed to come fetch her baby stuff on Saturday, but cried off saying her son might have Covid.
I was relieved, except that she posted FaceBook pictures of her son, looking very healthy, playing with friends on Saturday.
Not Covid then, just a desire to avoid me.
I am really, really annoyed with her. Having her around would have been hard but I would have smiled and said all the right things, including oh poor you suffering through the woes of the most difficult pregnancy ever (she is a special snowflake) because I'm a fucking grown up.
I suspect she's avoiding me because she fears some kind of bad miscarriage vibe and fuck that, fuck her.
At the moment I am so very tempted to put all the baby stuff in a huge box and get it sent to her place with a strong implication that I never want to see her fucking face ever again.
I'm not going to, because I'm a fucking grown up.
But I'm tempted.
We went to the zoo instead on Saturday and it was a lovely day - lots of sunshine. I struggled with both nausea (animals stink) and tiredness. Both could be good signs, I hope, surely the pregnancy symptoms wouldn't develop like that with a dead embryo? But who knows.
Then yesterday was mother's day. In name only, Banker did absolutely nothing. No present, no card, no flower. He didn't even try to wake up earlier than his usual 8 am (PJ rises at 6) to let me sleep in.
I'm not even angry or that disappointed. I was expecting a last minute half-arsed gesture for the sake of making a gesture, not anything heartfelt. I'm just sad. He could not have better communicated how much he despises me. Or maybe contempt is the wrong word. It's like I don't exist to him. The stuff I do - raising PJ, doing most of the chores, desperate attempts to have another child - he takes for granted, and it would never occur to him to thank me for it. He just whinges when things aren't done. But I, as a person, don't really exist to him, I don't think. There is no respect here, or friendship, or companionship.
When will we split up is the next question.
Poor little PJ, she'll bear the brunt of all this.
This time tomorrow I'll be in the hospital waiting room waiting for them to pull their fingers out and scan me. Fingers crossed, fingers crossed.
I was relieved, except that she posted FaceBook pictures of her son, looking very healthy, playing with friends on Saturday.
Not Covid then, just a desire to avoid me.
I am really, really annoyed with her. Having her around would have been hard but I would have smiled and said all the right things, including oh poor you suffering through the woes of the most difficult pregnancy ever (she is a special snowflake) because I'm a fucking grown up.
I suspect she's avoiding me because she fears some kind of bad miscarriage vibe and fuck that, fuck her.
At the moment I am so very tempted to put all the baby stuff in a huge box and get it sent to her place with a strong implication that I never want to see her fucking face ever again.
I'm not going to, because I'm a fucking grown up.
But I'm tempted.
We went to the zoo instead on Saturday and it was a lovely day - lots of sunshine. I struggled with both nausea (animals stink) and tiredness. Both could be good signs, I hope, surely the pregnancy symptoms wouldn't develop like that with a dead embryo? But who knows.
Then yesterday was mother's day. In name only, Banker did absolutely nothing. No present, no card, no flower. He didn't even try to wake up earlier than his usual 8 am (PJ rises at 6) to let me sleep in.
I'm not even angry or that disappointed. I was expecting a last minute half-arsed gesture for the sake of making a gesture, not anything heartfelt. I'm just sad. He could not have better communicated how much he despises me. Or maybe contempt is the wrong word. It's like I don't exist to him. The stuff I do - raising PJ, doing most of the chores, desperate attempts to have another child - he takes for granted, and it would never occur to him to thank me for it. He just whinges when things aren't done. But I, as a person, don't really exist to him, I don't think. There is no respect here, or friendship, or companionship.
When will we split up is the next question.
Poor little PJ, she'll bear the brunt of all this.
This time tomorrow I'll be in the hospital waiting room waiting for them to pull their fingers out and scan me. Fingers crossed, fingers crossed.
