Je panse donc j'essuie

NewGirl was supposed to come fetch her baby stuff on Saturday, but cried off saying her son might have Covid. 

I was relieved, except that she posted FaceBook pictures of her son, looking very healthy, playing with friends on Saturday. 

Not Covid then, just a desire to avoid me. 

I am really, really annoyed with her. Having her around would have been hard but I would have smiled and said all the right things, including oh poor you suffering through the woes of the most difficult pregnancy ever (she is a special snowflake) because I'm a fucking grown up. 

I suspect she's avoiding me because she fears some kind of bad miscarriage vibe and fuck that, fuck her. 

At the moment I am so very tempted to put all the baby stuff in a huge box and get it sent to her place with a strong implication that I never want to see her fucking face ever again. 

I'm not going to, because I'm a fucking grown up. 

But I'm tempted. 

We went to the zoo instead on Saturday and it was a lovely day - lots of sunshine. I struggled with both nausea (animals stink) and tiredness. Both could be good signs, I hope, surely the pregnancy symptoms wouldn't develop like that with a dead embryo? But who knows. 

Then yesterday was mother's day. In name only, Banker did absolutely nothing. No present, no card, no flower. He didn't even try to wake up earlier than his usual 8 am (PJ rises at 6) to let me sleep in. 

I'm not even angry or that disappointed. I was expecting a last minute half-arsed gesture for the sake of making a gesture, not anything heartfelt. I'm just sad. He could not have better communicated how much he despises me. Or maybe contempt is the wrong word. It's like I don't exist to him. The stuff I do - raising PJ, doing most of the chores, desperate attempts to have another child - he takes for granted, and it would never occur to him to thank me for it. He just whinges when things aren't done. But I, as a person, don't really exist to him, I don't think. There is no respect here, or friendship, or companionship. 

When will we split up is the next question. 

Poor little PJ, she'll bear the brunt of all this. 

This time tomorrow I'll be in the hospital waiting room waiting for them to pull their fingers out and scan me. Fingers crossed, fingers crossed. 

(thanks for the tutorial, Apisa_b!)

So apologies if anything goes tits-up here while it's importing.

I am now able to thank eeyore9990 for the lovely Standard Operating Procedure. Thank you!

And I'll own up to The Best Laid Plans.

Now, to catch up with everyone's fics and art...

This wouldn't be complete without a big thank you to the mods for organising all this.

The fic I wrote for the sshg_exchange, Letter Of Mercy One Sunny Morning has been translated into Russian by magratt and can be found here. Thank you, Magratt!

I don't like LJ putting in place LJ-cuts that override my own and thus don't let the reader make an informed choice about reading material. I talk of spoilers, TMI, and porn - you might be OK with the one of these and not with the others, and I don't want anyone to be made to read something they don't want because of their very natural curiosity. I know I can rate my journal to "kiddie-safe" and thus get rid of the cuts, but there's not much point in doing that when LJ is trying to make us behave like responsible adults, is there?

But the breaking point was the flagging button. A community where delation is encouraged or even supported is no place I want to be in. It just... squicks me I guess.

So I'm doing what reactionaries world-wide do and emigrated to a world that resembles what LJ "used to be" before it "went to the dogs" (why yes I love tropes).

You can find me at http://foudebassan.insanejournal.com/

I'm having a housewarming drabble party here - want to come over for a drink and some porn?

I'll go on flocking a lot. If you can spare the time, I'd love you to create an account over there as well so that you can read the locked posts too (Here's a linky to start a journal, it's free and you get a lot more icons than at LJ).

The wonderful cosmo_jenny went to the trouble of creating a syndicated feed to LJ; as I understand it, if you friend it you get a link to my posts on LJ. It is here: http://syndicated.livejournal.com/foudebassan_ij/

Of course I'll go on reading your entries here :)

I've just understood why it is that men buy stupid cars just because there were half-nekkid ladies leaning over them in the advertisement.

http://www.giftforthegirls.com/

By Sue Townsend.

I loved her Adrian Mole books. Queen Camilla didn't make me laugh despite interesting premises: ( Spoilers ).

And then again, it's the kind of book that you intend to put away for a while, but the characters keep chatting in a part of your brain and before you know it, it's the book you automatically pick up again at the first opportunity.

After a wedding, when the couple comes home, the bridegroom carries the bride over his doorstep (and usually, straight into their bed). Is that customary in Britain too? Does it have a specific name?

http://www.canalplus.fr/c-humour/pid1787-c-groland.html

Please don't be offended - the theme of this show is "bad taste", various kinds of excrement usually guest star. But I had to admit that this episode had me shrieking with laughter.